I must be too annoying 4 u.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
