I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
birth control should be required to get into college
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
