i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
