I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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