i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
