He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
