who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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