i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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