you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize