cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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