I got chris browned last night
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
