i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
