she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
