Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
