Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
