i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
