Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
