Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
