I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just want nice things and good sex
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
