they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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