she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
