I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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