and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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