arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
please come you make the beer taste better
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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