i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
