***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
