Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
