Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
