"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
