Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
be right there i have to get my cape
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
