I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
