i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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