That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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