she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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