What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
