Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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