We're like a lot better than the average bears
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
