Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
