if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
