I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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