i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Pooping to opera.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
