I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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