Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
