just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize