There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
