The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize