I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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