the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
