what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
