last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
