I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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