I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
