He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's the barista slut.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
