So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
