I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
