Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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