I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
