Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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