my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Green mimosas i think yes
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
