3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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