he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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