I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
