Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just had sex on a roof
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize