her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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