It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
