I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
