I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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