It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
