Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
