Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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